women jokes =P

[ganon95]

anyone know any good women jokes?

technically this isn't really a woman joke but its kinda funny

One day a man came home and found his wife packing a bag. he asks what she is doing and she replies "im moving to las vegas to become a prostitute, i can get payed $400 to do what i do to you for free." upon hearing this her husband begins to pack a bag, ske asks where he is going and he says "im coming with you, i wanna see how your gonna live on $400 a year"

[cheese toast]

Haha what a couple of losers

[Cheezdonut]

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.




Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."





What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?

A whine and cheese party





The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. #4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.



Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken




Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."




A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.




To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.




I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!




I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life





I have a frog in the back

A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."
"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."
The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night.
She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.
"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"



I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?





Girl comes in for a Checkup

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"



Marriage changes passion................suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

[ganon95]

Want to hear a joke? Women's rights


what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice

What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? The back of my hand.


Did you know there are female hormones in beer? If you drink too it makes you talk crap and drive horrible. <--- lol

[cheese toast]

Originally Posted by ganon95

Want to hear a joke? Women's rights


what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice

What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? The back of my hand.


Did you know there are female hormones in beer? If you drink too it makes you talk crap and drive horrible. <--- lol

I don't get the second one.

[nàme]

Originally Posted by cheese toast

I don't get the second one.

female hormones make you like a girl. the hormones make you talk crap and drive mad (due to it being FEMALE hormones)

[ganon95]

Originally Posted by nàme

female hormones make you like a girl. the hormones make you talk crap and drive mad (due to it being FEMALE hormones)

thats the fourth one lol

[cheese toast]

Yeah nàme, i was talking about ' what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice', but I got it now anyway.

[Cheezdonut]

Originally Posted by cheese toast

Yeah nàme, i was talking about ' what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice', but I got it now anyway.

Cause I ***** slapped her.
and she deserved it.

[cheese toast]

Who was this, exactly?